I'm hurting and I don't know when will this feeling is going to leave me.
I know that its been a long time when my string got detached, and I thought I was fine, just fine, and will always be fine. I thought it isn't gonna be like the almost 3 months experience that I had where in all I ever wanted was to be gone in an instant or to be buried deep down the depths of the ocean. But suddenly, everything that I thought about became all so wrong.
What I feel right now is 3 times the experience that I was in before. I thought, I was the one who gave way to just make things easier to not complicate things. If only I was not just so in love, that made me so much stupid, I should have realized it even before everything happened. It shouldn't have to reach 3 times of asking to untie the string and let it be like what it used to be.
Now, I'm seeing myself as someone who is really so tanga over that foolish thing called love. Asking it not to break it up was just so stupid to ask for, and asking it the second time was more than stupidity. Well, I might be so insensitive back then. Thinking that everything's gonna be alright. But what I never really thought of is, maybe, asking for a break up is already a sign that a relationship isn't going to turn out right. That on the first time someone ask for it, give it right away because in the end, you'll just be messed up and you will find yourself all alone again.
So stupid that, I just realized it now, that there were already a lot of signs floating around me telling that i should let go. Looking for a place to live in even if it means me being left alone, asking me why I still don't have someone else? and why do I still like to do things that I became used to with? Isn't it like I've been already being pushed away? Indirectly telling me that you must go your own way coz I found someone new now. Did I became so crazy not to realize it the soonest? Was I still enjoying the feeling, unconsciously? Or my eyes were just so not clear anymore to not see that things are different now?
I'm beginning to hate church and Him more now. Now I'm thinking that it was still better that you don't know why you've been left alone, than knowing the reason why. It is just so ridiculous that someone's giving you this reason, where in that same reason is gonna be like an indirect statement saying that I've already found someone else.
I've already hated this kind of situation before and I don't know why I'm still experiencing it now. Its just pretty much the same. In the end, you'll gonna get hurt. Is it still worth saying that you enjoyed love even if its the one that caused you so much pain?
I don't know what to do now, maybe I'll just let things be for a while, hurting me as it is until I got immune of the pain. Moving to another place won't work, got no enough penny to finance, and I'm gonna walk into it still at work anyways. What I can do right now is to avoid, as much as possible, everything that goes into that. This may mean eating my meal alone, going home alone, and pretending that I'm not hearing anything.
Who knows? I might forget everything bad that happened after posting this one up. Damness, How I wish.
So yeah, this is a hate post for today.
I know that its been a long time when my string got detached, and I thought I was fine, just fine, and will always be fine. I thought it isn't gonna be like the almost 3 months experience that I had where in all I ever wanted was to be gone in an instant or to be buried deep down the depths of the ocean. But suddenly, everything that I thought about became all so wrong.
What I feel right now is 3 times the experience that I was in before. I thought, I was the one who gave way to just make things easier to not complicate things. If only I was not just so in love, that made me so much stupid, I should have realized it even before everything happened. It shouldn't have to reach 3 times of asking to untie the string and let it be like what it used to be.
Now, I'm seeing myself as someone who is really so tanga over that foolish thing called love. Asking it not to break it up was just so stupid to ask for, and asking it the second time was more than stupidity. Well, I might be so insensitive back then. Thinking that everything's gonna be alright. But what I never really thought of is, maybe, asking for a break up is already a sign that a relationship isn't going to turn out right. That on the first time someone ask for it, give it right away because in the end, you'll just be messed up and you will find yourself all alone again.
So stupid that, I just realized it now, that there were already a lot of signs floating around me telling that i should let go. Looking for a place to live in even if it means me being left alone, asking me why I still don't have someone else? and why do I still like to do things that I became used to with? Isn't it like I've been already being pushed away? Indirectly telling me that you must go your own way coz I found someone new now. Did I became so crazy not to realize it the soonest? Was I still enjoying the feeling, unconsciously? Or my eyes were just so not clear anymore to not see that things are different now?
I'm beginning to hate church and Him more now. Now I'm thinking that it was still better that you don't know why you've been left alone, than knowing the reason why. It is just so ridiculous that someone's giving you this reason, where in that same reason is gonna be like an indirect statement saying that I've already found someone else.
I've already hated this kind of situation before and I don't know why I'm still experiencing it now. Its just pretty much the same. In the end, you'll gonna get hurt. Is it still worth saying that you enjoyed love even if its the one that caused you so much pain?
I don't know what to do now, maybe I'll just let things be for a while, hurting me as it is until I got immune of the pain. Moving to another place won't work, got no enough penny to finance, and I'm gonna walk into it still at work anyways. What I can do right now is to avoid, as much as possible, everything that goes into that. This may mean eating my meal alone, going home alone, and pretending that I'm not hearing anything.
Who knows? I might forget everything bad that happened after posting this one up. Damness, How I wish.
So yeah, this is a hate post for today.
Comments
well, i got this from the teachings of my philosophy prof and believe me, it works.
and besides, talaga namang masasaktan ka kasi yun yung kasamang feeling na dala ng love. to maintain balance. impossible naman atang puro satisfaction nalang diba? :D i hope you get my point.
i know break-ups are really that painful, but you should try accepting it and facing the reality nalang and maybe think of it in a positive way... somehow naman, you could have gotten some good stuff out from that relationship right? or some lessons in life na magagamit mo the next time you fall in love and enter into a relationship :)
ahehe. i hope this helps you :D
pero salamat talaga.. somehow, naging positive na paningin ko sa nangyari..^^,