Rashid Bums Out

Finally, I happened to clean up the room yesterday after being so idle of not doing the chores yet busy at work and in play on those long 3 weeks. (I think..) But while doing the cleaning, things just went through my mind again about all those things that happened. I even planned on rearranging sana the double deck, the closet and everything but I only ended up putting back those things to where they were. I could have made the arrangement better but maybe its more convenient if they will just stay the same. Then there goes this line.. I only made someone better for somebody else.. I remembered this being put on to a status message on YM by someone I know. By someone whom I think had experienced less than the half of what I experienced all this time. And somehow, good for this someone for not experiencing this all. Me, as you know of being kind to friends, Its good that its me in the end. Just be thankful that it wasn't you because you'll never like it the way its been. Now I ...

I've been thinking.. yes, I've been thinking hard where in I'm not supposed to think that much.. I can say that I've made my life miserable, a mess, and had gone to a path where in everybody doesn't want me to be. I've been astray for almost a month and i think this is enough. I've learned a lot and is trying my best to be better now. Seemed to be some good news? Somehow thinking positively like this can help too, right? As what a line says, "Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice." I don't know if I already had stated this here, if I did, then there it goes again.. I don't want to suffer like that again. This happened to be my loneliest time being alone and I don't want to be like this again. All I wanna do now is to be on track where in I can be the best that I can be. Life has a lot to offer so might as well live with it and enjoy. Right? I've been into a lot, from problems, stress, sickness.. maybe now, its time for me to...

And then I will be coming back to work for tomorrow. and let that be it. Let's see who's me is going to office by then.

Those who are bitter are stronger individuals. Wanna know why? Because strong people know how to control their emotions.. and bitter people know when to realize that its enough & its over. Bitterness is not a totally negative thing.. Its just a way of showing to others that in life.. There is such thing as, "I still love you.. ..but I don't want you anymore." --a text message received from Raiza and it makes sense to me! Still, I'm being a different me when I'm at the office.. I dunno how to begin things as the way it was before. I also want to bring back the time that I can be happy without thinking anything else that will make myself suffer much. I want to bring back the urge in me to go to work being happy but from the time that I'm stepping in to that place, it feels like its not for me anymore. It feels like I need to be somewhere else and be away from my current work. Its really a personal fight within me and myself. A struggle on how to let go of th...

..and it still hurts. I don't know why I can't let myself be that happy anymore whenever I'm there. A post before hitting the shower. Time Check: 9:18 PM They invited me to go to this place. A place where I don't know if I can go to, should I really be there in the first place? Do you know what I call that place? Its a place of freedom. And I don't want myself to be there. It isn't really for me though, its for other people's freedom. If one can decide to go, then let me just stay. Besides, that's always been the case. What I really hate the most is going to that place with the thought of that other people's happiness, and again.. its because of the earned freedom. Can you blame me for thinking that I became the reason of why things aren't going well whenever I'm there? I know, this is really pretty messed up. But I just want to get away of this.. this something. I wonder if how long will it keep on holding on. I'm still quite depressed. ...

I had my check up yesterday in Megaclinic at SM Megamall. I went there to consult about the status of my blood pressure. Unlike my previous consultations in regards to my hypertension issues, this one was really the best consultation session that I had. Dra. Supe was the one on-shift by that time, and she was the one who really made it clear to me my present status and the things that I will encounter if I will act now to prevent this hypertension. We went through a question and answer portion to know my health history. Then based to what she learned, I was diagnosed to be on a Stage 1 Hypertension. Definition: A minimum blood pressure value of 140/90. Stage 1 Hypertension is an early form of high blood pressure, and may require treatment with medicine, together with frequent monitoring, in order to avoid progression to Stage 2 Hypertension. She told of of the things that I need to do to prevent the case. 1 hour of walking a day for 5 days a week, less fatty/sweet/salty foods and to av...

Time Check: 1:02AM A lot of things happened already. Personal stuff, Ozine experiences, Jamming and minggles.. Things that I haven't shared here yet. There are just a lot of things that I wanted to say, but I just can't still get a grip of how I will be telling you all these. I'm pretty messed up with my thoughts right now. Soon, I'll be living myself alone again. And I dunno if how am I going to start my whole life again being alone. But I don't have any choice now, but to deal with it. This one's really unstoppable. I can't even do anything else, so maybe I'll just go with the flow and see what would happen next. But I'm still grateful because I have my friends at Ozine whom I know are there in real life and in Valhallian life. XD And somehow, my new desktop also helps me on making me so occupied. It really made me go addict mode to Ragnarok again, and I'm really looking forward to playing Dota with my Ozine friends. ^^, oh, right. I haven'...