Difference

Its been quite a while. So you might ask.. what's makin me busy?

I really don't know.. All I know is.. I'm enjoying killing the time. Resorting to things that can make myself occupied for my everyday.

Went out a while ago to eat my dinner when thoughts started to rush into my mind again. Like someone within me saying.. "I need to be inspired.." I don't know about this line but I suddenly remembered this.. "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"

I'm not really a geek to apply that line to my life but on how I look on to my life now.. Life at work's really starting to eat the whole of me. Maybe taking my daily dose of kilig from people isn't enough.. But is there really still a need for me to look for this 1% of inspiration for me?

Or maybe its a sign that I'm so much depriving myself from feeling the "inspiring" type of love that's why the inner me is making its way out.

People now kept on telling me.. I was given an opportunity because I'm a failure in love.. just like what some of us now about.. its either you're good on the one but fails on the other one..

Now that my chance to grow mature at work was somehow settled.. must I give time to look for that 1% inspiration? Will that make any difference if I'll just give it a 100% shot at work and drain myself doing the killing of time off-work?

I've been encountering chances lately but I always ends up being scared. I hate to tell this but I dunno if I'll make myself serious anymore for the next person that will be involved in my life. Because a while ago, I suddenly remembered about my ex-es.. I always tied the word "forever" with them but in the end.. all are just gone out to waste.. So what lies on my head now is this - "Sooner or later things between us will just get too loose so I don't wanna waste any more time and emotions over that thing again.."

Yes.. I'm hopeless but yet I'm hoping that I'm not going to live my life so alone..

For now I think.. I can live on with just my daily dose of kilig just to feed my heart with emotions that it has to feel.

"I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right.
I cry, I cry.
I'm Shaking from the pain that's in my head.
I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away the life that I led.
But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die."