Missed 11

14th of March when I realized that I missed the 11th of the month trend where I was supposed to blog something. This really made me realize that I am becoming less of a blogger and more of a Facebook user and anime lover. If you haven't noticed yet, my timeline really is filled with screencaps of all the shows that I am watching this season. It isn't really just filled with it but I think my entire posts for this month has always been about what I've been watching. I don't know if it's a good thing but that's practically what I am doing for this past month.

Well there's been a couple of other good things that happened as well. My younger brother came to visit us here when they are on their way to compete for a national level press conference. Then a couple of weeks later, it was my mom's turn to visit since they were to celebrate their high school reunion somewhere in QC. I also got a chance to have a weekend getaway with some of my Ozine friends at Batangas and Tagaytay.

More of some good news also came in when a friend ask me about me wanting to go work with her at their company. Well, actually there are two of them whom I am waiting for the job to be available. If there's really one thing about me which I can say I'm good at, well I guess that would be me waiting. I think you all know how long I have been waiting for everything to be on track. I just need to believe that everything's worth the wait and that thing, when it finally comes, I can really say that it is really for me. But my mom and sister's been really pushing me to go find some work already telling me that this isn't the right time for me to be picky. Well I guess they're right, but pushing me like this is like telling me to marry someone I really don't love. I mean, I'm the one who's going to work on that certain job so at least let me choose which one I like so that I can stay with it for the longest time.

But the problem is, I really don't know now what I really want. Right now, I'm fine with just going with the flow. About that friend who asked me? I already gave my "Yes" to one of them and I'm just waiting for the job posting to be open, then I will be on my way to applying and be part of their team. It isn't really what I wanted but that's the most convenient choice for me. Schedule and work load-wise, it's just perfect.

This is kinda disappointing, I know. And this has always been the reason why I refrained from writing here. I just don't want this to be a place where my gloomy thoughts are being stored. Plus the fact that every post I make can also affect the one reading them.

Anyways, going back to those good news, my mom received one too. She was invited by one of her high school friends to work abroad in Jeddah. She's I think 58 at the moment and she's still eager to work. Well, 58 might already be near retirement but I can't really blame her because it is actually one of the things that my mom is good at, working abroad. If she has to choose between working here or abroad, she'll definitely choose to work abroad. She's really looking forward to this knowing that her Visa is already on its way. It really is a good news if you'll look it up that way but that also means that one of us has to go and be separated with us again. But still I would like to see this as a good thing for all of us to grow and show ourselves that there are still things that we can do by ourselves. I know my mom had been staying at home for the longest time already and I know how hard it is for her to be on that situation knowing that we really don't have a father that can support us all the way. Now that there is something that she can do to help our family, I'm totally sure that she'll really grab this opportunity. I believe that she can still do it. 58 is just a number and my mom really is still strong for her age.

This might really look like I'm a bit harsh for a son to still be encouraging my mom to work. Maybe I am also at fault for not knowing what I wanted to do in my life that she decided to take some action and do the things that I am supposed to be the one doing it.

For the 2 years that I became idle, I became contented for having what is there. I never asked for more and I never really wished for anything more. I became so dependent to my sister that going back to becoming the independent one didn't even crossed my mind. Being contented with the basic needs really is a good thing for me but I really hate the kind of life that I am living now.

But right now, I've been really wanting for that job posting to go online so that I can get back to work and start a new life. I may look like this but my desire to go back to work is so burning that all that I am thinking right now is that working is the only way for me to enjoy life once again. Waiting and being contented might really be the best training for me to know what I must do whenever I get the chance to go back to work. Realizing this, maybe I was just faking it. Telling myself that I don't know what to do with my life anymore. But the truth is that I am just scared to face my fear that if I'm going back to work it's just going to be working for them and not for myself again.

My younger brother still has a year before he can finally graduate. And another year for review for the CPA Exam. But this time around, if ever mom really accepts the job and I get to start working back, there will be three of us, together with my younger sister, who will be supporting him financially and that would not really seem heavy on my part anymore. Somehow, this can really mean that I can finally start working for myself.

Deep inside, there really are a lot of things that I wanna do. A lot of simple things like shopping, eating, movies and travelling. This might look like some child stuff if you're going to compare it with others but I can already be happy just by doing that. But that still doesn't solve my problem of what I really want to do in the long run. So I guess for my part, I'll just have to do my best in everything I will do and hope that someday I can receive my calling. :)