Glimpse From The Past

Rynault and I happened to talk about the blogs that we made in the past and then I thought of checking back one of my oldest blog and here are some of the highlights of it. Just a reminder, please don't laugh? I know that this blog was really messly.. (if there is such a word, haha!) done. Let's just say that this was time when I made my earliest attempts to blog! XD

About Me:

(According on what I wrote there)

Known with name such as.. rashid, rash, shid, k'krav.. Likes to party. A buddy who can be around if you want somebody to listen. Sometimes can be moody but with a great music it can make my good mood going and of course with food beside me. A very passionate and caring guy; can be stubborn with friends worrying how they're doing, if they have eaten or even never forget to say good night or good morning to them. I hate myself when i'm being paranoid. I keep friends and dont throw them out. Someone you can trust, someone that is real! Im always ok.. easy to be pleased, honest, kind, loving and simple.. Likes to smile, friendly, creative, out going & open minded person with a heart of gold and sometimes a loner or a lamer.. then.. the rest is for you to know na..

Shadows beneath our hearts

21/11/04

Can we really tell that EMOTION is a gift?!

Because if it is.. I don’t want this kind of gift..

Why do people still have what they call emotions?!

Why do I still need to feel all of this..

Anger and Hate after Loving..

Sadness after Joy and Happiness..

Pain and Suffering after giving..

And most of all is..

Missing something..

Somebody that you almost learned to love

and being not sure when you’ll be seeing it again..

Maybe you may..

Still but when..!?

Being weak because of such feelings..

To be easily manipulated and later on being stepped on..

Can we juz express no feelings and believe that feelings are not meant to be shown..!?

To be physically is ok..

because it will surely be healed but being hurt emotionally is different from that.. You can never be sure when that will mend..

It may take years or even a lifetime for it to heal.

The only thing that makes the both the same is the fact that scars remains.

Scars that will always make you remember all that you’ve been through just because of having such feelings in you..

Then you’ll just know for yourself that you’re not feeling anything anymore..

That you are already numb of everything around you..

And all that you can just do is smile on things coz now..

You’re doin’ just fine..

so much of this..

05/11/04

You said you love me, and you'd never hurt me.. But how come you already did? I thought you're my knight in shining armor. I thought you'd be my hero. But I was wrong. You were the one who ruined my life. You broke my heart and made it hard. You left me so down when I most needed you. The wound was so deep it took time for it to heal. The scar created in me a fear that could no longer be taken away. I could hardly bear the pain that I wish i were dead. I've spent my life with you in tears and so there would never be a thing that I will forget about you. You were the one who taught me to hate.

Yes, you changed me into somebody I never wanted to be. All the while I've been struggling now to find my real self and move on, the past is still dragging me back, haunting me in my sleep. The nightmare which included you. I could have been a better person if not because of you.

And now I want to cry no more. I have no tear to shed anymore. I already got tired of crying and hating too much. I've become dumb enough to feel pain. What more of happiness? I've turned as dull, lifeless and sad.. as you say, good as dead. Now tell me Dad if I've grown up the way I should have. Am i now the person you want me to be? I am miserable can't you see? Why had you let me suffer? Why?

HaAayYy Life..

14/10/04

"With summer's raucous noises, a simple dream seen in spring has turned into a small heartbreak. The melancholy autumn wind speaks quietly of its meaning... Your hearts true self..."

Nah.. i'm still haunted by that friday stuff.. I juz can easily say that i'm ok.. but.. i'm not.. too bad for me..

I accidentally meet an old friend.. we had this talk that really made me think.. "Why can't you look for another one.." he asked me.. i answered him this.. "Do you know why its so hard to be inlove again after a broken heart? Its because you no longer know how to make the next one special, coz you made the first one so special thinking she'll be your last.." But he told me something which really made me think.. "So you really want the pain to remain?? huh?!.."

HaAayYy.. is that why I still feel the pain?!!??

"It is said that the reason why leaves fall from the branch is to allow new leaves to take their places. No matter how sad the fallen leaves look, there will always be new sprouts in spring. Perhaps, emptiness in the heart is something similar to that..."

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Well, I learned that most of my posts way back are kind of like status updates for Facebook and Twitter so I didn't included those anymore. But I guess I was such an emo way back huh? That was I think when empathy was on its highest point on me.