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after two dayzzz...

awkie.. here i am again after 2 days.. eheh.. i haven't been online coz of last thursday.. i don't feel like going to school.. and bout yesterday.. i heard that Bayantel is upgrading their system which affected the internet connection here in our locale.. hmm.. i'm not really pretty sure of that though..





nweiz.. mah right arm doesn't feel good.. i think i still have a hangover on playin badminton yesterday.. eheh.. but its ok.. its nice that after a long time i played again.. eheh..





hmm.. about what happened on our midterms.. whaaa!!! i think we cheated on our taxation.. eheh.. hmm..?! too bad.. but we juz really need it.. eheh.. and about the discrete math.. haha.. our prof gave it as a give away exam.. huh.. yeah.. but it really doesn't look like one.. though its an open notes exam.. plus is.. she also gave us a take home midterm.. haaayyy..





i have here hmm.. juz read on..!!^^





Please Listen to What I’m not Saying





Don’t be fooled by me.

Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.

For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks.

Masks that I’m afraid to take off,

And none of them is me.





Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me.

But don’t be fooled, for God’s sake,

Don’t be fooled.





I gave you the impression that I’m secure,

That all is sunny and unruffled with me,

Within as well as without;

That confidence is my name,

And coolness’s my game;

That the weather is calm

And I’m in command, and that I need no one





But don’t believe me, please.

My surface may seem smooth,

But my surface is a mask,

Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence





Beneath dwell the real me in confusion,

In fear, in aloneness.





But I hide this; I don’t want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness

And my fear of being exposed.

That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

A nonchalant, sophisticated façade,

To help me pretend,

To shield me from the glance that knows.





But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

My only salvation. And I know it.

That is, if it’s followed by love.

It’s the only thing that can liberate me

From myself.

From my own self-built prison walls,

From the barriers that I so painstakingly erect,

It’s the only thing that will assure of what I can’t assure myself,

That I’m really, worth something,

But I don’t tell you this,

I don’t care

I’m afraid to.

I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.

That you’ll laugh, and your laugh will kill me.

I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good,

And tat you’ll see this and reject me.





So I play my game,

My desperate pretending game, with the façade of the assurance without,

And a trembling child within.





And so begins the parade of masks. And my life becomes a front.





I idly chatter to you in the suave tone of surface talk.

I tell you everything that’s really nothing,

And nothing of what’s everything,

Of what’s crying within me.





So when I’m going through my routine,

Don’t be fooled by what I’m not saying,

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,

What I’d like to be able to say,

What for survival I need to say, but which I can’t say.





I dislike hiding. Honestly’

I dislike the superficial game I’m playing

The superficial, phony game

I’d really like to be genuine

And spontaneous

And me..





===========================================





Ayan.. eheh.. nakita kou lang yan kung saan.. eheh.. nweiz.. i wasn't been able to watch gundam seed last thurs.. and even yeaterday.. whaaa!!! but about fumoffu.. haha!! i will never let a day pass w/o it!! haha!! but not on weekends.. eheh.. its getting fun!! hehe.. about slumdunk..!? is Rukawa really gay!? eheh.. xori but m not really updated about that.. but i enjoy watching sakuragi!! eheh..





nweiz.. i juz came from my former boarding house.. eheh.. simple talks.. remembering the past.. hehe.. it's been almost a year when i last got there eh.. haha.. its as if nagkita nga lang kami yesterday the way we talked kanina.. eheh.. it's fun talking to someone you didn't see for a while.. hehe.. namiss kou tuloy ang buhay boarder.. hahaha..

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