Post Before Bedtime

"Things change as we grow older... Feelings, emotions, everything about us. But there are certain things that can never be forgotten nor change. Like how we feel about someone. Maybe for others its easy to just move on and let go. As for me, its a little harder. deattaching yourself from someone who has been a part of your life for years? areyoukiddinme?!?! ofcourse its hard. But I am so trying. And so far I have. i feel like a garter. Running away from something as far as i can, and when i thought i'm far enough, a little tug from the other end and there i go flying back to where i started to run..and then i wake up.. back to reality.. the person isn't there anymore.. just me..trapped in my thoughts..and yes, feelings i used to have..still have."

I bumped on to Camille Prats' blog and saw this on one of her posts.. kinda relating.. but no.. it is relating to the kind of situation that I'm having. I guess these lines are right and I agree mostly on the part when she said that it felt like a garter.. its when you thought you've already gotten over it.. that's also the time that you've been pulled back to where you started feeling it.

there's also some more that caught my attention..

"These 2 people i can not imagine my life without. xxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxxx and xxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx. We grew up together. Known each other since grade 2. Bestfriends eversince, more than sisters now. No one can understand me better than these 2 people. They fill out the missing pieces of my life, they answer the questions unanswerable to me. We know each other so well that we finish each other's sentences. Often times we communicate non-verbally and understand what each one is trying to say. Unbelievable it is that its actually possible that one can create an extraordinary bond such as that. They are like machines that fixes me when i'm broken, i run to them to get myself fixed, and i come out whole again. fascinating is it?:) we don't get to see each other that much. But we have this certain bond that keeps us together. Like a long unbreakable string attached to each of us. One tug and we're all there. In one place. Our hearts.:)"

I felt kinda sad. Because we were really moving from places to places when I was still younger.. I haven't got a chance to build up a.. childhood bestfriend.. All I had are those friends which I somehow called bestfriends yet they were only there for just a piece of my lifetime. I mean, yes.. I do value the friendship that I had with them but thinking of just how friendship is.. like someone whom I can run to.. talk to.. to any given time and without hesitations whom I know who knows me well.. I don't think.. I have one.. some of my friends might get offended on this but come on.. let's face it..

Since I'm just starting to make my life stable here.. I think its not yet too late for me to have one right? It might doesn't mean that you must be a childhood friend but as long as you're getting constants updates from each other.. maybe that's it.

Just coming to think of it.. people whom I know that I have updates on what's going on with them.. hmm.. there are just a few of them... O.O Does this makes me unfriendly?!

Well, it goes like this.. If you're a friend, I can tell you anything about me.. my past, present and what on my mind about how I see the future, things like what's up with me, what I'm going through, where I've been and stuffs like that.. when I do this.. I don't really expect for that someone to give reply by telling their own stories.. besides its up to them if its on their personality to speak up about things like that to a person like me. As long as I know they are fine.. I'm good with that.. simple as that.

Anyways.. maybe I'm just missing a lot of friends now.. i felt alone for some time now and all I can tell stories with are these friends from Ozine whom I'm with every time there are bottles needed to be flipped around and here.. this blog.

I almost lost some posts and even this all.. Maybe I had become so selfish for only focusing on what I feel.. If all of my previous posts became so hurting.. I'm just writing this according to what my heart is feeling.. I just want to make things clear.. I'm not writing here to gain sympathy.. I'm doing this to let loose of the heavy emotional loads that I'm having.. but it seemed like things went too loose that people began thinking of who did right and who was wrong. Everything here are just a part of the whole story.. If these posts moved you, it doesn't really mean that I haven't done anything wrong.. the thing is.. I'm like this because of my own fault.. Please.. just let things be.. things will just be fine soon.. in time..