Maybe they are just really a bunch of so insensitive people!
I can't blame them if they are so damn happy for that person having a very cool love story now but hey.. can you just even give me some piece of your sensitivity or even just that smallest piece of consideration that I AM JUST AROUND THE CORNER?!
I know that its almost been a year but yes, life still sux! and this I think will still continue even more! Sorry if this happened to be my loooongest time of moving on compared to the other relationships that I had.
But can you blame me if this happened to be the case?! I had really been hoping for me not hear such things whenever I'm at the office, but how can I just prevent my ears from hearing and stopping my heart to not absorb all of it!? I know, that may sound selfish. But can you just let me be selfish for just that one thing?!
You know why its hard for me?! Can you really say that people can understand why I'm still like this!? Do you know that what I am feeling now is that like I'm being cursed to see things that will be hurting me a lot?!
Its like, yes I know what happened but please, don't make me remind of it over and over again! Because even those most little things can hurt a lot also!
Things like: Was that all I got compared to what is being given to that other person now?! Just the thought of how he can tell to the world that he's with this girl just make me feel that I didn't deserve something like that. Does this have to be the way how life can tell me that I am only to be given this much? I know that I am still accepting some help from him and I'm thankful yet so ashamed of that but should that mean that I have to feel the pain every time I accept one? Does things have to be so unfair this way!?
Yes, I had been reminded a million times that things between us will not last forever, I remember that. But how I understand that was something like a matter of life and death, that if I die one day, then that's the end of it. Sometimes you can't just take it away from me not to expect much from the person that I love. But how I see it now, now that you can even tell me straight into my face that you don't ever want to loose that girl just make me think that I am so easy to let go! Or was I the one who made it easy for you to go right in and out into my life?!
I am now even thinking of how he can now exert a lot of effort for that girl. I know that we almost lived together for a year, but just for the sake of remembering.. did we even had a time to watch a movie together as us being alone?! As far as I can recall we've been to a cinema but we were there with the whole group.
We went out, had dinner at this kinda fine dining. I was even happy coz he also brought my other two siblings there the second time we went there. That somehow counts but just to think of that whole year and some months, somehow I expected to have even more and not just the usual malling to buy stuff at the supermarket of go window shopping.
I know that these are just so small rants to base from. But this are just the small things that keep on hurting me seeing that he can give a lot of more than just that to a girl and not to me.
I do believe that you did loved me back also and that you don't intend to hurt me because of what's happening but I think I just have to bear with this all, you can continue loving, don't mind me getting hurt.
Maybe things will just be changing from here on depending on how situations will be going. You guys may continue inviting me again and again and again, but don't blame me if you'll get tired of receiving a NO for an answer.
Its still hard for me to accept things, but still I'm hoping for things to get better between the all of us. But for now I think I'm better off alone.
I still have friends that I can go to every night when I feel like I need to drink it all up and I don't give a damn If I go home very drunk.. Maybe time will come that I will be returning to you guys, but that time can only be when you guys already know how to give me those piece of sensitivity that I'm asking.
--
Readers:
This is now I think the start of a more personal blog posts.. so.. expect to see some changes on this blog soon.. Hopefully I can bring up some new blog where in you can read some light stuff like me playing online games, and things I've been doing online and stuff so that somehow you can get away from these kinds of so emoish posts that I've been posting here.
I can't blame them if they are so damn happy for that person having a very cool love story now but hey.. can you just even give me some piece of your sensitivity or even just that smallest piece of consideration that I AM JUST AROUND THE CORNER?!
I know that its almost been a year but yes, life still sux! and this I think will still continue even more! Sorry if this happened to be my loooongest time of moving on compared to the other relationships that I had.
But can you blame me if this happened to be the case?! I had really been hoping for me not hear such things whenever I'm at the office, but how can I just prevent my ears from hearing and stopping my heart to not absorb all of it!? I know, that may sound selfish. But can you just let me be selfish for just that one thing?!
You know why its hard for me?! Can you really say that people can understand why I'm still like this!? Do you know that what I am feeling now is that like I'm being cursed to see things that will be hurting me a lot?!
Its like, yes I know what happened but please, don't make me remind of it over and over again! Because even those most little things can hurt a lot also!
Things like: Was that all I got compared to what is being given to that other person now?! Just the thought of how he can tell to the world that he's with this girl just make me feel that I didn't deserve something like that. Does this have to be the way how life can tell me that I am only to be given this much? I know that I am still accepting some help from him and I'm thankful yet so ashamed of that but should that mean that I have to feel the pain every time I accept one? Does things have to be so unfair this way!?
Yes, I had been reminded a million times that things between us will not last forever, I remember that. But how I understand that was something like a matter of life and death, that if I die one day, then that's the end of it. Sometimes you can't just take it away from me not to expect much from the person that I love. But how I see it now, now that you can even tell me straight into my face that you don't ever want to loose that girl just make me think that I am so easy to let go! Or was I the one who made it easy for you to go right in and out into my life?!
I am now even thinking of how he can now exert a lot of effort for that girl. I know that we almost lived together for a year, but just for the sake of remembering.. did we even had a time to watch a movie together as us being alone?! As far as I can recall we've been to a cinema but we were there with the whole group.
We went out, had dinner at this kinda fine dining. I was even happy coz he also brought my other two siblings there the second time we went there. That somehow counts but just to think of that whole year and some months, somehow I expected to have even more and not just the usual malling to buy stuff at the supermarket of go window shopping.
I know that these are just so small rants to base from. But this are just the small things that keep on hurting me seeing that he can give a lot of more than just that to a girl and not to me.
I do believe that you did loved me back also and that you don't intend to hurt me because of what's happening but I think I just have to bear with this all, you can continue loving, don't mind me getting hurt.
Maybe things will just be changing from here on depending on how situations will be going. You guys may continue inviting me again and again and again, but don't blame me if you'll get tired of receiving a NO for an answer.
Its still hard for me to accept things, but still I'm hoping for things to get better between the all of us. But for now I think I'm better off alone.
I still have friends that I can go to every night when I feel like I need to drink it all up and I don't give a damn If I go home very drunk.. Maybe time will come that I will be returning to you guys, but that time can only be when you guys already know how to give me those piece of sensitivity that I'm asking.
--
Readers:
This is now I think the start of a more personal blog posts.. so.. expect to see some changes on this blog soon.. Hopefully I can bring up some new blog where in you can read some light stuff like me playing online games, and things I've been doing online and stuff so that somehow you can get away from these kinds of so emoish posts that I've been posting here.
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