Untold Stories #1

Update: I just want you to know that after giving it some time, I learned that I am only exerting a lot of unnecessary efforts on thinking about things that I am not supposed to be worrying about. So what you will read about the cold shoulders and stuff, that was only an presumption made by an presumptionisto. But don't worry, I can still let you read on.

Alright, I badly needed to put this into words. I don't really know if I am just over reacting or what I'm dealing right now is a couple of cold shoulders. I know, I shouldn't be dealing with this kind of things knowing that I am only here living inside this room for over a year now and the only people I always see are the ones I'm living with.

Maybe I'm just really being the assuming one thinking that there is really going on but I really can't help but think that it has something to do with me. Yes, I've been unemployed for like almost 2 years already and all I do is receive my sister's kindness for making me live through all these times -- The reason for me not looking for a job? Expect me to write about it soon. And because of me being unemployed, I wasn't been able to pay the rent for those couple of months when I got back here to live with my sister -- there's also a story behind this moving back in to this apartment, I guess I'll be blogging about it pretty soon too. And there goes my debt still unpaid for over a year but somehow my sister was able to save me from the following months by covering the rent for me. I know, I really have the best and the most generous sister one can ever have and I am gratefully thankful for that. But the fact that this debt still remains unpaid until now still makes me uncomfortable. Well this really is the major part but still there are these minor issues that really makes me feel paranoid about.

Let's start with the closed doors. Because of an incident which happened months ago where one was accused of having a very mischievous pair of hands, they started to make it a habit to always close the door. When that one person left, the habit continued which I really totally ignored since it really got nothing to do with me. Then new people came in and they just recently installed locks on their door as well. Can anyone tell me, is there something going on where I need to be alarmed and get a copy of the key to our room's door as well? I mean, I always leave my door open, it not like there's anybody else is going inside the house just for the heck of it but I really don't feel anyone will actually do it. When suddenly it occurred to me, the paranoid part of me started to think, are they, in any way, thinking that I am entering their rooms whenever they're away, at work or just plainly out of the house like what that certain person did before? I respect their privacy and that's one enough reason for me not to slip inside their rooms. What am I supposed to do there anyways? Or maybe, having their doors locked is just plainly their habit and there's nothing really for me to worry about.

Another thing, food and condiments. On this part, somehow I'm guilty. I just can't really stand seeing some leftovers be left in the table only to be thrown away later on or be spoiled. I mean, if they aren't going to eat it anymore, I better make use of it, eat it for it not to go to waste. Reading that again makes it sound weird and funny but yeah, that's true. They sometime leave these leftover ulam or even loaf of bread, I know that I am not supposed to touch these since they aren't mine but, *sigh*. Then the condiments like soy sauce, vinegar, fish sauce, oyster sauce, salt, pepper and even the ginisa mix and that other stuff. I do use them sometimes when we're out of those. I mean, normally it's allowed right? Because they can also always use ours when they ran out of stock of those as well. Some new condiments also came in since one of our housemates work in a food company and I though of trying it out. Of course I'm only using small amounts since I don't really use them before. And yes, sometimes, I use their condiments without asking them. But at some point I noticed that they were kind of eyeing these kinds of stuff and that's when I stopped my little cooking experiments. Well it's not like I stopped because I noticed that but I already stopped even before that because I'm not really getting how they were supposed to be used in cooking. Then lately, I think I just heard them talking about how a certain sauce in a bottle seemed to get being used for just looking at the amount left from it. I did saw that bottle of sauce inside the fridge but I didn't bother to check it out. I mean after all, will you still expect me to use anything which aren't ours? The next thing I know, the bottle's gone. Not in the fridge, not in the food cabinet, not anywhere. Well I guess, they already kept it inside their room. I just hate it when they might be thinking that it is me that's using it.

And here's something to top it off, Meralco bills. Since I'm always at home, of course I'll be using my PC a lot. Before it was just me but later on, when the new people came in, they also get to share the consumption for having a laptop. But still there's the fact that I'm always the one who is contributing the biggest usage when it comes to the bill. But of course whenever the end of the month comes in, it's divided among us. I know that my sister is only able to give four thousand pesos monthly for the both of us, an amount that I'm sure isn't enough but still I know that a debt is still a debt. So if ever the bills goes up, please be assured that our part will always be paid, if not enough, I know, I can and I will pay you, who knows, 2012 might just be our lucky year.

Then I also start having my own closed door habit. I do always leave my door half open but I just really can't help it. Sometimes, I'm thinking that whenever they see me in front of this PC, thought's like, 'PC nalang nang PC' or 'Umalis ako nasa harap ng PC, dumating ako nasa PC nanaman' are running through their minds. So I end up leaving my door closed or if not, I leave it a bit open. I'm not really sociable even here at home. I mean, how will I be able to since I've locked myself here for over a year so expect me to not be able to reach out most of the time. I just hope that they will not misinterpret me for not being able to face them that often because lately I've been shutting myself in whenever they're around. I just don't know how to face them anymore having all these assumptions in mind. I know that I should be talking with them about this but it isn't something that we always do. The last time we gathered to have a serious talk, someone was forced to leave the house. Maybe I'm just afraid or maybe I just need to believe that there isn't really something going on so I really don't need to worry about anything. I also wanted to think that this is just like a family issue where it's normal not to talk but I guess this kind of setup isn't really like that.

While writing this I'm actually listening to an album of DBSK just to keep my calm. I don't really want to hold grudges or anything like that. I've had enough of that feeling already -- I know you want to know about this version of story as well, so I'll update you about it as well -- and they aren't the kind of people who deserve to be treated with hate. I respect everyone here and I know that we do have some differences as well but one just have to learn to accept other people for being who they are, right? So just to make it clear, I don't have anything against them and I'm sorry if I am causing them some sorts in-house troubles.

*Scrolls up* Damn! This is what you get whenever I'm writing straight from the heart. A very long post! Haha! So just to loosen up the mood, The reason why I decided to play DBSK's album is because of what I was doing at around 2AM this early morning. I was like so kinikilig to those posted videos on Youtube about YunJae! LOL! I think I spent 2 hours just watching a lot of those kinds of videos. Haha! There were a compilation of photos made into a video and there also video clips of them which really makes people believe that Yunjae is real. Oops! Haha! There goes a link. LOL! I just really can't believe that people will really give in lots of effort only to produce something like this:

This isn't really the ones that I watched because this really went on up to 46 episodes I think? LOL! Pero kinilig talaga ako, amp. Hahaha!

Alright, I guess I really need to end this already. If ever I can get the right mood for posting the untold stories, you'll be able to read them here soon. I am really trying to put this all up here so that if ever the thought, 'Kamusta na kaya si Rashid?' crosses anyone's minds, they can always get an answer here. So as much as possible, I always want this to stay as personal as it can be. So let me now put this up as my Untold Stories #1. ^^