Untold Stories #2

This entry happened to be posted so early. I'm supposed to be posting something different from this Untold Stories segment since I just previously posted a very serious one but then I guess it can't be helped now that I'm in the mood of revealing another one right now. So let me just first say this:

If only I could ease the pain. But then I said to myself, it is your battle and the only thing left for me to do is to believe that you can somehow get out of it alive and ready to face life again.

I am actually ready to click the Post button on Facebook when my browser stopped responding. So I thought, it could be more better if I'll just turn it into a blog post and here I am now. The truth is, someone very dear to me is on a process of moving on from a failed relationship. I really don't want to be so blunt about that fact since he's still healing but if ever you come across this post, I just thought that this is actually the best way to describe it. Most of us would already gone through that same path anyways, so maybe somehow you guys can understand that. I know the feeling, the pain that one must go through which makes me hate it everytime I learn that one of my friends has to experience the same thing. If only I could take away the pain, but I guess it's a part of growing up and one has to face it one way or the other.

So what in it for me? How will this post be one of my Untold Stories? In my recent job interviews, of course they will gonna ask me why I left my previous job. My answer has always been the same to all of them. I left because of having a failed relationship with someone who is actually my co-worker. I remember having this conversation with Xian about how am I going to reason with them about this, thinking that any reason would suffice but I think it would be better if I could be honest about it. I believe that to have a successful life, you need to maintain a balanced personal life as well. How can you expect yourself to live an extravagant life if you suffer from physical, mental and emotional stress. You may be the best on what you do now but will it really give you happiness if you're not even taking care of yourself? Even those people who interviewed me felt bad about me leaving my previous company because they were looking at the pay that I was already receiving back then. They all have the same reactions, telling me that I already reached P21,750 and leaving that amount might have really been hard for me. Honestly? I started to worry about myself more than thinking about the salary that I am getting. Yes, that person and I somehow settled things between us already but how would you expect me to deal with it later on? I don't know how some people do it but I can't really stay in a place seeing the person that I loved before being with somebody else, someone who is more acceptable and more right. That's why I decided to leave.

Then after that, I became unemployed for almost 2 years. I got scared on going back to working in a place where I will be meeting new people again. Just the thought that I have to make new friends again makes me feel so afraid. I became scared of being rejected, of being left alone, of being just a nobody that no one even cares about. I got scared of the possibility of meeting people who might later on just leave me again in the end. Simply, this might be called a trauma because of what I've had to go through before.

I've made friends in my previous company. Real friends, close and well-bonded friends. Until one day, everything started to fall apart because of a small misunderstanding. That time, I was still on the process of moving on from a lost love but because of me acting so pathetic and stupid about it, maybe because I really don't have the slightest idea on how I am supposed to deal with it and since my mind is still so filled with confusion, guilt and anger, the break-up extends its way to my friends. It was a phase in my life that I need to move on from my relationships, both in love and friends. Friends, at some point, also do get tired. I was really so hard to handle, too hard to understand and too hard to cope up with back then which made them so fed up of me and left. I've been in the same situation before but for it to happen again, it's just too much for me. For months, I learned to live life alone again until I finally gave up, telling myself that It's time for me to meet new friends and move on. I met wonderful people in our office. Thanks to them because somehow, the last months of my stay there became easy to deal with. I started to cheer up and to open up once again. But this certain day came in where it made me meet the other people. We talked about what happened in the past and thought that maybe we could still work things out. What happened that day was like a reconciliation. Admitting each other's faults and forgiving. I was happy that it happened but I already accepted that it can never bring things back as to how it was before. Well, at least I already got them back.

Months ago, we had this farewell party for the person who molded me to become the best employee that I can be on my previous job, the one I call 'nay, and one of the real friends that I have. At some point, the conversation went to asking me if it would still be possible for me and for that someone to become friends again despite of what happened between us. It was actually a tough one because I really don't know what to say. In my mind, I keep saying no because I already accepted that there's no way that we will become good friends again. After experiencing that certain event before, one night, out of the blue, I thought of coming over to that person's place thinking that I still have a friend left in that person. But it proved me wrong. Things can never get better between us anymore and it's best to just leave it like that. So on that farewell party, asking that for me made me think of a reason why I should still be friends with that person.

Anyways, I already tried remembering everything that happened before but I guess my mind had already dumped them away, reason for me to already say that I already moved on. Just to sum it up, it took me 3 years to move on from all that and those people who interviewed me are even happy telling me that at least now I'm healed up and already open to going back on looking for a job and be working.

And of course, after experiencing all that, I learned a lot. I told myself not to fall for someone who is in the same work that I'm in and not to live with the person under the same roof ever again because it will really be hard if I'm going to face the moving on part again. That relationships aren't really for life because it does end eventually. I also want to believe that the love shared is real but when it ended, you can't just really help but think if everything that happened was real. But in the end, what I believe most is that maybe, God is still busy writing the best love story for me and He is just making me experience the side-stories first. :)

@Hiyono. I guess there's no need for you to go back and check my archives about what actually happened before. I think everything's already here. LOL! But if you still want a more detailed and maybe feel the exact same feeling that I felt before, you are free to read back! :)