I know that there's nothing to worry but still there are times that I just really don't know what to feel. One second I'm happy, another second I get tired, then lonely.
It's the time of the year again, Ozine Fest. I should really be excited and glad to become a part of it again but this time's different. I might have said this before that I am going to take some break off the events last year because of what happened. A couple of these events came by but this one's really on a different scale.
Baggage counter. It's a part of the event where I think everything started. I don't know but somehow, it became evident that I still really have a grudge on that very tiny area.Though I already had Kuhn, together with these 3 other girls, manage it but still, the feeling really do lingers.
I asked Rye to be a part of the event again. But I'm not yet sure if this one's a good idea. This time really is not anymore the same with how we get to enjoy the event. There's this awkwardness between him and the rest of the people who knew. And this really hurts me thinking that I was somehow responsible of putting him into that spot.
From time to time, we get to have some short and casual talk but there isn't a perfect time for me to be able to express what I really wanted to say. For starters, of course apologizing comes in first. As what I've said, I'm partially responsible of what happened in terms of the bond that we still have together with the rest of the group. I always remember him being part of the kulitan moments of the event. But the one who is with us right now is more like the aloof type.
You could say that I'm really bothered and worried at the same time but isn't it normal to feel this way after being able to see each other for the longest time? Though I really don't have the slightest idea if he still cares to talk about everything that happened.
Then I've read our last serious talk on Facebook and damn how I acted that time. Though I really can't blame myself to act that way because of the situation that I've been through. But if I was on his place, I'd somehow understand why he'll be like this now.
And there's this girl who keeps reminding me of the other person who's involved in this too complicated story. I'm kind of being resistant to be approaching or being close to her even though I know that I will be comfortable talking to her. But this same thing actually happened before, I gave in and even thought that she can be my friend, but in the end, I never thought that she'll be the reason my friendship with Rye would almost be severed. And wanna know the truth? It's the second time that this same situation happened. A girl being the reason of having my friendship being almost over.
But one thing's still at the back on my mind, "Maybe they really never ended and just had it feel like everything's done."
So aside from that, part of my previous post is about my part-time job that I'm supposed to do 4 hours each day. This week's not really that generous of giving me some spare time. I got these 4-days event with Ozine and doing the job is really getting hard knowing that I still need to do my full-time job. Because of that, I am now facing 10 more hours deficit on the minimum hours that I need to complete until.. today, since it's already Sunday. This one here is also giving me emotional stress which I hope I can still handle. I'm afraid that the project might be pulled out from me and I'm going to be back from looking for a new one again.
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