How I just wished that these scars were made from that blade, but unfortunately, I just got them from doing the laundry.
I walked home from work, and had lots of "suicidal" thoughts ran through my mind, non-stop. Wishing that a car would hit me, someone would stab me, an accident would drive into me and everything alike. I just wanted fate to end up my life.
This may sound crazy knowing that the person you knew of me has this kind of thinking inside my mind. My real friends might kill me as soon as they read this, I would love to. They see me as someone who can stand up straight and fix every mess that comes, but what they don't know is, I'm just always letting fate decide of what's gonna happen next.
Walking alone made me clear things about myself, I'm reckless and hopeless. I'm not of any help to my family lately, I'm not a good friend anymore, having no growth as an employee as well. Maybe my dad is right to call me "inutil", well at least now, I know what it's like to be like him.
I know it's wrong to say this but sometimes I pray that our youngest will come into my sleep and take me with him to where he is now. My path on to where I'm supposed to be is blurry now. I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore. Even a single goal that I have in mind to achieve, there's none. I can't even dream of something.
I love my family but loving them is not enough. I love my friends but love also took them away from me. I'm just simply running out of things that I must do. Not even a single clue is on my mind right now to fix everything up.
I think this is it, I'm starting to rot. I know that this is bad and I have to do something about it, but how?
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